BEBA FAMILY PRINCIPLES
Castellino referred to them as BEBA principles. When used effectively families and groups function healthfully. In families, babies and children flourish.
The BEBA principles create a safe container that supports the discovery, repair and integration of early trauma patterns in people of all ages. In addition, the principles are consistently seen to foster cooperation, connection and healthy nervous system regulation for individuals and within families and social groups.
1. WELCOME:
We welcome you as a unique conscious being. We welcome all parts of you including any physical strengths and limitations. We welcome all the spectrum of your emotions and your thoughts.
We welcome those in the womb, newborns, children and adults.
To be welcomed and received for who we are is a conception right, a birth right and a primary developmental need. We welcome you here and now.
2. MUTUAL SUPPORT AND COOPERATION:
Come into connection in a way that mutually respects and encourages each other’s wellbeing. This is not cooperation at the expense of self or to try to get someone else to do something. It is non-competitive and it is a win-win.
3. CHOICE:
Move at a pace or tempo that allows each individual to track their experience and to know if the direction feels right; having enough space to know and say yes, no or maybe. “No” is welcome and honored and is a repair for childhood forcing.
4. SELF REGULATION – THE PAUSE:
Take time needed in order to be able to integrate our experience moment by moment. When a pause is taken, processing stops until the person’s pause is complete.
5. SELF CARE:
Eat, rest, sleep, hydrate, eliminate etc as needed. Self-care supports the individual and the group.
Self care includes two layers of support to mom, baby/child and the people who support them.
6. BRIEF FREQUENT EYE CONTACT:
Make brief frequent eye contact with the intention of mutual support and cooperation. Without brief eye contact (about every minute) distance grows and we often begin to make up stories about the other person (based on our own history).
7. TOUCH AND ATTENTION:
Most adults have their attention and touch coupled together. Infants appear to be as responsive to what adults do with their attention as with their touch.
Come into touch contact with mindfulness and pacing so that every step of the way the person receiving the touch can have choice of whether or not they are touched. Differentiate touch and attention.
8. CONFIDENTIALITY:
We can speak freely about our experience but hold sacred each other’s stories so ask for permission before sharing them.
Babies and children confidentiality is often violated. If we are going to talk about our children to others with them present, include them in the conversation.